The platonic friend

Male/Female relationships are always a hard thing to define. Things always get sticky when you try to put opposing sexes together (that's what she said). If you’re a woman looking for a platonic relationship with a heterosexual male, good luck. I believe there is no such thing. Let me drop some knowledge on you. Males have two types of girl-friends: girls they want to copulate with and girls they don’t want to copulate with. If you’re a woman right now thinking I got it all wrong and you have a strictly platonic male friend, congratulations!, you belong in the former category. For girls who fall into the latter category, a male probably wouldn’t give you the time of day. Not that it’s anything personal but time is money and quite frankly, us guys are looking to get the most out of our investment. Girls view relationships as this spiritual entity that lives, breathes and is fed on feelings and companionship. Women have places in their heart to love men they do not wish to be ‘involved’ with. Conversely, a man’s heart does not have the capacity to care for women they are not involved with, some would say barely enough for the woman they are involved with. There is no man that is content with being a platonic friend. Just men that are frustrated and resentful that they aren’t being taken more seriously.

If you’re a woman who doesn’t identify with being in a relationship with a male but has a or a few good male ‘friend/s’, here are some signs that tell you that you are in a relationship.

- If you and your ‘friend’ meet up one-on-one without any explicit terms of engagement: you are in a relationship. – A ‘friend’ is someone you do stuff with. You go see a movie, shopping, eat some dinner, the point is that there is an event that focuses the engagement. If you take the event out of the equation, all you got is what married couples do which is nothing. Married couples are in relationships.

- If you and your ‘friend’ meet up one-on-one with explicit terms of engagement: you are in a relationship. – Do you know why people always ask “So who else is going?” whenever you ask anybody to go out? It’s because you truly are their friend and they would like to spend time with you as well as all their other friends. If you ask somebody to go out and it isn’t followed-up with that question, then it means you actually warrant to be allotted one-on-one time. This brings me back to my time is money statement. Males don’t give away time willy-nilly.

- If you are in possession of any mementos from your ‘friend’: you are in a relationship – I know I said time is money but do you know what else is money? Money. If a guy is spending money on you, you had better know he’s buying his share of your stocks. A memento is basically the most direct way a guy can express his intentions. A memento requires not only time and money but what all men find in dearth, effort and consideration. Look around, you see all that crap you got? Those are stocks for your crotch.

I’m sure there are plenty more situations I could address but I’m sure this already narrows it down enough. The simple matter of the fact is that only naïve women believe that all the men in their lives are asexual. They may be either homosexual men or bisexual men but never ever consider them asexual. There really isn’t much justification to do any favors for any woman unless there is something expected in return. You all know how the old adage goes: Do onto others as you would like done onto you. It-is-that-simple.

Today's track:
Samantha James - Rain