It doesn't matter if you're hideously ugly, mentally unstable, morally deficient, or intellectually impaired, I believe there's somebody out there for you.
Proof, you ask? I submit to you, Exhibit A: Phillip Garrido of Dugard kidnapping fame.
Phillip Garrido is a pedophile, a kidnapper, a sexual predator but what's most interesting is that he is also a husband - not a widower or a divorcée - a husband. So to be optimistic, if the scum of the earth like Garrido can find a wife who doesn't mind his extracurricular activities, I'm absolutely certain that there's hope for the rest of us.
Phillip Garrido isn't a freak event either, Exhibit B: you all remember serial killer and rapist Paul Bernardo right? He had a wife too and she wasn't just complacent, she was racking 'em up while he was hitting 'em down. The funniest part is that I'm sure there's guys out there who are scared to be in relationships because they think they have an unhealthy or taboo fetish like feet or golden showers that would cause their girlfriend or wives to pack up and leave in disgust. Meanwhile, guys like Phillip and Bernardo are literally getting away with murder and their wives are in on the game. If that isn't love...I don't know what is.
Moral of the story? If you ain't worse than a rapist, you got a chance and be truthful, you never know what she'll say!
HAHAHA.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
The Extinction of Human-to-Human Contact
A friendly reminder that the Cellphone ban in Ontario starts today which is probably more accurately described as the hands-free law because the ban also includes the handling of any electronic device while driving. Although unsurprisingly I have operated a many of gadgets while driving (GPS', iPODs, cellphones), I would consider it a small personal sacrifice if it would get all the other idiots to stop. You know, the kind who can't talk and drive more than 20 km/h or the kind who text and drive in both lanes at once. The problem right now is that there is no way to distinguish the mentally sharp and physically coordinated people from the rest of the steering wheel hugging, windshield kissing dimwits who inexplicably have driving licenses. Perhaps there should be another class of license that would give this privilege to those who are capable instead of every John and Jane Doe who can barely work a VCR (is this an obsolete reference now?) toaster. As of right now it seems that we all have to suffer.
Humans are social animals and as such, we need the proper work-arounds for these laws of inconveniences. As much as I detest the now inevitable popularity of retards using bluetooth, I shudder at the thought of what other technology will benefit from this ban such as the ATX text-by-voice machine. Yes, you read that correctly. Welcome to 2009, you can now text in your car with your voice! And so continues this peculiar dialog between our engraved affection and growing affliction towards socializing. A modern-day paradox of an animal that both loves and hates to talk at the same time. To what lengths will we go to avoid human-to-human contact?
I believe that it doesn't take a huge leap of logic to see that machines will not just be passive mediators in our communication but active mediators. The future is heading in one direction and that is of convenience of talking without talking. It's obvious then that we will outsource our personal sentiments to the machines. It won't be long until we'll all be using GoogleVoice or some voice-to-text while Google trends our outgoing messages. Then it would be possible for Google to predict what you want to say before you say it! How convenient! So picture this, you call your buddy up and say "Yo.." and then Google fills in the rest, "meet me at the pub at 9". Or you call your girlfriend and say "Hi..." and Google adds, "I love you baby, you are my sunshine". That is the future we are going to have. The machines will know us better than we know ourselves. It's telepathy from the future like we haven't yet imagined because we won't be telling the machines what to think, they'll be telling us!
Humans are social animals and as such, we need the proper work-arounds for these laws of inconveniences. As much as I detest the now inevitable popularity of retards using bluetooth, I shudder at the thought of what other technology will benefit from this ban such as the ATX text-by-voice machine. Yes, you read that correctly. Welcome to 2009, you can now text in your car with your voice! And so continues this peculiar dialog between our engraved affection and growing affliction towards socializing. A modern-day paradox of an animal that both loves and hates to talk at the same time. To what lengths will we go to avoid human-to-human contact?
I believe that it doesn't take a huge leap of logic to see that machines will not just be passive mediators in our communication but active mediators. The future is heading in one direction and that is of convenience of talking without talking. It's obvious then that we will outsource our personal sentiments to the machines. It won't be long until we'll all be using GoogleVoice or some voice-to-text while Google trends our outgoing messages. Then it would be possible for Google to predict what you want to say before you say it! How convenient! So picture this, you call your buddy up and say "Yo.." and then Google fills in the rest, "meet me at the pub at 9". Or you call your girlfriend and say "Hi..." and Google adds, "I love you baby, you are my sunshine". That is the future we are going to have. The machines will know us better than we know ourselves. It's telepathy from the future like we haven't yet imagined because we won't be telling the machines what to think, they'll be telling us!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Brainfart: Half Asleep, Wholly Hilarious
The state of your thoughts in the brief moments when you're torn from slumber and thrown back into reality can be rather amusing. Sometimes I think back to a personal experience I've had and chuckle to myself. I think it might be worth sharing.
Sunlight starts beating at my eyes and I reluctantly rouse from sleep. In a futile attempt to alleviate the brightness screaming through my eyelids, I snatch the corner of my covers and turn over in a groan -- at least that was the plan. Instead I feel a snag at my shoulder, a heavy weight holding me back. In a daze, I fumble around searching the bed for the source of my unease. Underneath the blankets I feel something foreign. As I unearth it from under the covers, it feels a bit unpleasant in my hand. It feels rubbery, heavy, anchored. Then I realize something, it was anchored to me. So picture me now sitting upright in bed with my right arm in my left. Except I'm having this trippy out-of-body experience because I'm recognizing one of these extremities as my own yet I feel nothing. I shake my pale limp arm a bit to help recirculate the blood. It was maybe a minute or so at the most before I eventually got that familiar 'pins and needles' sensation but it felt considerably longer with my mind racing.
It's especially funny/embrassing because in thsoe 60 seconds, I had created this crazy scenario in my head. I thought to myself: what if the feeling never returns? omigod, they're going to have to amputate! I wonder if anyone had to amputate their arm after sleeping on it? what the hell am I going to do if that happens? how could I possibly bear the embarassment of having to answer how I lost my arm? not in some horrific tradgedy that would incite sympathy, not in the glory of a heroic deed, but in (what must surely be) the most trivial incident ever.
I'm sure you have all gotten good laugh at my expense. Nevertheless, this is a genuine fear of mine and I'm not entirely convinced that it's irrational. After some very rudimentary research, I've found that it takes approximately 1.5 - 2 hours (depending on age, health, etc. of individual) for the cells and nerves deprived of blood flow to begin to deteriorate. Of course, it would take significantly longer for your whole arm to die. Although it's natural for people to unconciously toss and turn in their sleep to avoid such scenarios, I'm certain there are some very unfortunate souls that have lost their limbs to sleep. Probably not something you think about very often or at all but there you go.
Sunlight starts beating at my eyes and I reluctantly rouse from sleep. In a futile attempt to alleviate the brightness screaming through my eyelids, I snatch the corner of my covers and turn over in a groan -- at least that was the plan. Instead I feel a snag at my shoulder, a heavy weight holding me back. In a daze, I fumble around searching the bed for the source of my unease. Underneath the blankets I feel something foreign. As I unearth it from under the covers, it feels a bit unpleasant in my hand. It feels rubbery, heavy, anchored. Then I realize something, it was anchored to me. So picture me now sitting upright in bed with my right arm in my left. Except I'm having this trippy out-of-body experience because I'm recognizing one of these extremities as my own yet I feel nothing. I shake my pale limp arm a bit to help recirculate the blood. It was maybe a minute or so at the most before I eventually got that familiar 'pins and needles' sensation but it felt considerably longer with my mind racing.
It's especially funny/embrassing because in thsoe 60 seconds, I had created this crazy scenario in my head. I thought to myself: what if the feeling never returns? omigod, they're going to have to amputate! I wonder if anyone had to amputate their arm after sleeping on it? what the hell am I going to do if that happens? how could I possibly bear the embarassment of having to answer how I lost my arm? not in some horrific tradgedy that would incite sympathy, not in the glory of a heroic deed, but in (what must surely be) the most trivial incident ever.
I'm sure you have all gotten good laugh at my expense. Nevertheless, this is a genuine fear of mine and I'm not entirely convinced that it's irrational. After some very rudimentary research, I've found that it takes approximately 1.5 - 2 hours (depending on age, health, etc. of individual) for the cells and nerves deprived of blood flow to begin to deteriorate. Of course, it would take significantly longer for your whole arm to die. Although it's natural for people to unconciously toss and turn in their sleep to avoid such scenarios, I'm certain there are some very unfortunate souls that have lost their limbs to sleep. Probably not something you think about very often or at all but there you go.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Brainfart: Uncreative creativity
--Some comments on District 9--
Watched District 9 over the weekend. Just wanted to share a few thoughts about the movie. Too lazy to organize them, so not sure how this will read. Haha.
1. Aliens: Why are aliens always conceptualized as humanoid? This is what I'm talking about when I talk about creativity. Aliens originate from different planets/solar systems/galaxies/universes or whatever with presumably different organic life and thus different selective pressures. I would imagine aliens would probably look more interesting than just two earth creatures mashed together. Giant bipedal shrimp? urg.
2a. Giant bipedal shrimp: On that note, this is an obvious design choice. Why? Because I'm fairly certain there would be no controversy over the maltreatment of aliens if they would happen to look like giant puppies, or perhaps little fuzzy bears with hearts and rainbows on their chests. Why don't aliens ever look like wide-eyed puppies?
2b. Giant bipedal shrimp (part 2): How can a shrimp ever become a creator? One of the greatest evolutionary achievements of humankind is the opposable thumb. It is the existence of the opposable thumb that gives us the dexterity and accuracy required to become a creator. How could a giant shrimp with flippers for hands possibly have the dexterity required to make even the most primitive of tools?
3a. Future tech - weapons: Obvious design choices as well. Sound wave, magnet, lightning guns? All visually interesting but unlikely. Modern warfare is being outsourced to robots and machines, why would such advanced aliens still carry around guns? And DNA activated guns? Are you telling me you can't just staple a flipper to the trigger and call it a day? How come there are mechs that need to be "manned"? None of this is efficient and makes any sense. Sure looks cool though. Sigh.
3b. Future tech - "people": It is evident that even here on earth, as technology progresses, the more we are being integrated with it. I don't see why these aliens would walk around in their flesh and exoskeletons. In the future, there will be no androids or humans, they will be one and the same. Flesh is fragile and has an expiry date, let's face it, as soon as we find a way out of these capsules we're out.
4. Smart and Stupid: Aliens do the darnedest things like trade mechs for cat food. What?! First of all, how is there a Nigerian gang living in an alien base camp? Secondly, why would anyone trade crazy superior guns for anything? You don't trade anything for a gun. Whatever it is, it belongs to the guy opposite the barrel.
5. *Spoiler alert* What's the problem?: What was the problem in the first place? The aliens needed some black fluid that could only be salvaged from alien parts to get them home? Sooo, why did they just park their spaceship in the sky? Nonsense.
Anyways, still more where that came from but taking too much time to write.
/rant.
Watched District 9 over the weekend. Just wanted to share a few thoughts about the movie. Too lazy to organize them, so not sure how this will read. Haha.
1. Aliens: Why are aliens always conceptualized as humanoid? This is what I'm talking about when I talk about creativity. Aliens originate from different planets/solar systems/galaxies/universes or whatever with presumably different organic life and thus different selective pressures. I would imagine aliens would probably look more interesting than just two earth creatures mashed together. Giant bipedal shrimp? urg.
2a. Giant bipedal shrimp: On that note, this is an obvious design choice. Why? Because I'm fairly certain there would be no controversy over the maltreatment of aliens if they would happen to look like giant puppies, or perhaps little fuzzy bears with hearts and rainbows on their chests. Why don't aliens ever look like wide-eyed puppies?
2b. Giant bipedal shrimp (part 2): How can a shrimp ever become a creator? One of the greatest evolutionary achievements of humankind is the opposable thumb. It is the existence of the opposable thumb that gives us the dexterity and accuracy required to become a creator. How could a giant shrimp with flippers for hands possibly have the dexterity required to make even the most primitive of tools?
3a. Future tech - weapons: Obvious design choices as well. Sound wave, magnet, lightning guns? All visually interesting but unlikely. Modern warfare is being outsourced to robots and machines, why would such advanced aliens still carry around guns? And DNA activated guns? Are you telling me you can't just staple a flipper to the trigger and call it a day? How come there are mechs that need to be "manned"? None of this is efficient and makes any sense. Sure looks cool though. Sigh.
3b. Future tech - "people": It is evident that even here on earth, as technology progresses, the more we are being integrated with it. I don't see why these aliens would walk around in their flesh and exoskeletons. In the future, there will be no androids or humans, they will be one and the same. Flesh is fragile and has an expiry date, let's face it, as soon as we find a way out of these capsules we're out.
4. Smart and Stupid: Aliens do the darnedest things like trade mechs for cat food. What?! First of all, how is there a Nigerian gang living in an alien base camp? Secondly, why would anyone trade crazy superior guns for anything? You don't trade anything for a gun. Whatever it is, it belongs to the guy opposite the barrel.
5. *Spoiler alert* What's the problem?: What was the problem in the first place? The aliens needed some black fluid that could only be salvaged from alien parts to get them home? Sooo, why did they just park their spaceship in the sky? Nonsense.
Anyways, still more where that came from but taking too much time to write.
/rant.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Policing Your Fantasies
In North America, video game violence has always had a bad rap for inciting real-life violence, that's nothing new. You could only imagine then, what public outrage would result when Rape games start showing up on store shelves as they inevitably will. Politicians and parents will protest and lobby to no avail, then watch in horror as a nation of adolescent trained serial killers add rapist training to their resumes. The world will surely descend into moral chaos and social anarchy, marking the beginning of Armageddon and the return of Christ.
The arguments opposing this simulated lewd behaviour are plain and simple: they threaten our core family values, prey on impressionable young minds and create monsters. So what kind of sick and deranged provocateur could endorse such a pastime?
Me.
Video games are fantasy and variety is the spice of life. If it so happens that it's someone's fantasy to molest school girls on the subway, then I believe it should be represented. Is it obscene? I bet many would deem it to be, but still I don't believe anybody has the right to rob people of their fantasies.
The only reason why video games succeed is because they are fantasy and not grounded by any real world influences or consequences. If you find that your trigger finger itches, you can rest assured knowing that there's an army of digital men without family and friends created strictly for your impulsive desire to kill them. In the same vein, if you ever feel a heat in your nethers there's a limitless pool of fabricated school girls awaiting your wandering eyes and hands. The reason why the fantasy world exists is because we all need a place to retreat where there are no consequences for our actions. Things like rules and laws make people insane. Inside, we all want to experience life without the strain gravity, monogamy, religion, or any other physical or social pressures, even if it's temporary.
Real world violence is not committed by video game fanatics because the real world and the fantasy world are not connected. Video games have become the casual scapegoat for society's blatant incompetence but real world violence is the result of real world actions, it's the culmination of real world abuse and neglect.
Should your fantasies be policed? Should they be censored by people claiming to be looking out for your best interest? And are we prepared to live in a world where our fantasies are presented and voted on by committee to determine if they're appropriate? If we're capable of creating a world without consequence, why not revel in it?
The arguments opposing this simulated lewd behaviour are plain and simple: they threaten our core family values, prey on impressionable young minds and create monsters. So what kind of sick and deranged provocateur could endorse such a pastime?
Me.
Video games are fantasy and variety is the spice of life. If it so happens that it's someone's fantasy to molest school girls on the subway, then I believe it should be represented. Is it obscene? I bet many would deem it to be, but still I don't believe anybody has the right to rob people of their fantasies.
The only reason why video games succeed is because they are fantasy and not grounded by any real world influences or consequences. If you find that your trigger finger itches, you can rest assured knowing that there's an army of digital men without family and friends created strictly for your impulsive desire to kill them. In the same vein, if you ever feel a heat in your nethers there's a limitless pool of fabricated school girls awaiting your wandering eyes and hands. The reason why the fantasy world exists is because we all need a place to retreat where there are no consequences for our actions. Things like rules and laws make people insane. Inside, we all want to experience life without the strain gravity, monogamy, religion, or any other physical or social pressures, even if it's temporary.
Real world violence is not committed by video game fanatics because the real world and the fantasy world are not connected. Video games have become the casual scapegoat for society's blatant incompetence but real world violence is the result of real world actions, it's the culmination of real world abuse and neglect.
Should your fantasies be policed? Should they be censored by people claiming to be looking out for your best interest? And are we prepared to live in a world where our fantasies are presented and voted on by committee to determine if they're appropriate? If we're capable of creating a world without consequence, why not revel in it?
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Hot? Single? Female? Broke? Shameless?
I often hear women say that good wealthy men are hard to find. Well fret no more ladies because EstablishedMen.com is here to save the day. The tag line reads: Where Beautiful Girls and Successful Men Meet (and oh yes, it's real).
Apparently, this specific match-making site was created to subdue the demands of rich bachelors all over the world. It's a well known fact that there is an overwhelming abundance of young, attractive, morally decent, and abhorrently loaded unwed males who find themselves sitting all alone in their expansive properties wondering to themselves, if only I could find a beautiful woman who loves me for my money. It's not hard imagine why the website boasts a 4:1 female to male ratio.
Of course, this whole scheme is logically sound because it's the brainchild of a Toronto-based stripper who bagged herself an"established man" doofus. Essentially all she has accomplished is promote herself from a stripper to a pimp and a terrible one at that. Why would any rich guy looking for some hot ass decide to grow old with it? You don't marry hot ass. You don't adopt hot ass. You set it and forget it. Why? because there's no such thing as 50 year-old hot ass but you can sure bet that there's 18 year-old hot ass and if you find yourself with padded pockets you can tag that shit until you're half-lying in your own grave. Granted, these men may be looking for their own trophy wife but with websites like this there's a higher probability of these women ending up a mistress rather than a Mrs.
Strangely, I don't foresee a lot of success in relationships that are founded upon lust and greed. Although I do not contend that there are "established men" out there looking for beautiful girls, I have a feeling they do not need any help doing so. Money can't buy love but do you know what it can buy? Sexy, nubile whores whose legs open at the sound of a cash register and have no qualms about letting Daddy Warbucks make his deposit any which way he desires.
Is there anything wrong with this Lavalife for gold-diggers? Not really, to each their own. After all, there's always AshleyMadison.com, the "dating" website for cheaters. Let's face it, who wouldn't jump at the opportunity to get their fix or to get rich quick? We live in a world that is in no short supply of incompetence or immorality. Gold-diggers and cheaters will exist regardless of whether or not the websites do. While I don't have a problem with people choosing to be sluts or polygamists, I do take issue with people too cowardly to admit it. If you're going to be something, have more pride in it. Don't say you're holding out for an "established man" just say you're looking for a sugar daddy. Don't say you're "going out with the boys" for a night, just say you're gonna go plow her sister and you'd like it if she was okay with that.
Apparently, this specific match-making site was created to subdue the demands of rich bachelors all over the world. It's a well known fact that there is an overwhelming abundance of young, attractive, morally decent, and abhorrently loaded unwed males who find themselves sitting all alone in their expansive properties wondering to themselves, if only I could find a beautiful woman who loves me for my money. It's not hard imagine why the website boasts a 4:1 female to male ratio.
Of course, this whole scheme is logically sound because it's the brainchild of a Toronto-based stripper who bagged herself an
Strangely, I don't foresee a lot of success in relationships that are founded upon lust and greed. Although I do not contend that there are "established men" out there looking for beautiful girls, I have a feeling they do not need any help doing so. Money can't buy love but do you know what it can buy? Sexy, nubile whores whose legs open at the sound of a cash register and have no qualms about letting Daddy Warbucks make his deposit any which way he desires.
Is there anything wrong with this Lavalife for gold-diggers? Not really, to each their own. After all, there's always AshleyMadison.com, the "dating" website for cheaters. Let's face it, who wouldn't jump at the opportunity to get their fix or to get rich quick? We live in a world that is in no short supply of incompetence or immorality. Gold-diggers and cheaters will exist regardless of whether or not the websites do. While I don't have a problem with people choosing to be sluts or polygamists, I do take issue with people too cowardly to admit it. If you're going to be something, have more pride in it. Don't say you're holding out for an "established man" just say you're looking for a sugar daddy. Don't say you're "going out with the boys" for a night, just say you're gonna go plow her sister and you'd like it if she was okay with that.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Brainfart: Am I Replaceable?
Here I lay, with the soft comforting weight of her head on my shoulder, immersed in the sweet scent of her skin. The gentle tickle of her breath teases my senses with each exhalation. I fixate on the way her small delicate fingers intertwine with mine, how the moonlight bathing the room in a pale blue glow, hug the curves of her body. Goosebumps, as my gaze rests on her tossed and tussled hair glimmering in perfect disarray. Beautiful as she may be, her only flaw remains…that she is not you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
